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DAILY TWEETS, 5/23/2018

Thanks, @NFL! There’s no patriotism like ENFORCED patriotism!


I’m terribly excited about the news that a federal judge says that @realdonaldtrump can’t block Twitter users because of political views. Knowing Trump’s desire to obey the courts, I am certain he will unblock everyone at once. And monkeys will fly out of my butt. #blockgate


I wouldn’t want to throw water on Tomi Lahren until it had at least been properly filtered. Through my kidneys, for instance.

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